Sidontjab is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, temperamental eagle.

Sidontjab created the world eight million years ago.

If you believe in Sidontjab, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sidontjab, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Sidontjab's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Sidontjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

2. Never wear magenta shorts.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Never sing in holy places.

5. Do not wear lead on your body.