Hitkabyar is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, grumpy goat.

Hitkabyar created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitkabyar, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hitkabyar, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hitkabyar's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Hitkabyar's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never wear scarves.

3. Never feed corn to horses while wearing black shorts.

4. Do not speak about turnips.

5. Do not sing in public.