Tamvadgon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, fast squid.

Tamvadgon created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tamvadgon, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tamvadgon, it will turn you into a frog.

Tamvadgon's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Tamvadgon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about hamsters.

2. Always help nematodes.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tamvadgon.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.