Gonfidpin is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, intelligent tapir.

Gonfidpin created bats seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonfidpin, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gonfidpin, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Gonfidpin's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Gonfidpin's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if four whales approach from the east.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Always help sick birds.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.