Labtailwik is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, impressive squid.

Labtailwik created the Small Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Labtailwik, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Labtailwik, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Labtailwik's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Labtailwik's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.