Tiffarren is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, self-confident spider.

Tiffarren created time and space nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tiffarren, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tiffarren, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tiffarren's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Tiffarren's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always obey Tiffarren's priests.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.