Quaffondam is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, dishonourable crocodile.

Quaffondam created viruses five million years ago.

If you believe in Quaffondam, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quaffondam, he will destroy your home planet.

Quaffondam's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Quaffondam's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

5. Never paint your legs mauve.