Jamvolmutcam is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, confident mink.

Jamvolmutcam created a down quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jamvolmutcam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jamvolmutcam, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Jamvolmutcam's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Jamvolmutcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a building before entering it.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never play with disobedient children.