Jamflatstik is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, omniscient octopus.

Jamflatstik created a down quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Jamflatstik, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jamflatstik, it will strike you with lightening.

Jamflatstik's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Jamflatstik's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always help squirrels in need.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never run near eagles.

5. Never talk about gravity.