Abnulgofbonk is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, tiresome elephant.

Abnulgofbonk created the planet Saturn five billion years ago.

If you believe in Abnulgofbonk, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Abnulgofbonk, she will remove you from existence.

Abnulgofbonk's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Abnulgofbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to bats while wearing purple rings.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Never play with disobedient children.