Pitgutwod is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, humorless walrus.

Pitgutwod created light four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pitgutwod, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pitgutwod, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Pitgutwod's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Pitgutwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. You must never eat coconuts.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. You must pray to Pitgutwod five times a day.

5. Do not stand on grass.