Dumhunbom is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, generous narwhal.

Dumhunbom created the solar system seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumhunbom, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dumhunbom, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Dumhunbom's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Dumhunbom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Put Dumhunbom first in all things.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Dumhunbom.

4. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

5. Dumhunbom must be the most important thing in your life.