Farngessyar is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, confident tapir.

Farngessyar created a bottom quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farngessyar, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Farngessyar, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Farngessyar's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Farngessyar's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.