Yarpcibgom is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, dishonest narwhal.

Yarpcibgom created the planet Earth two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpcibgom, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Yarpcibgom, he will be very unhappy.

Yarpcibgom's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Yarpcibgom's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention porpoises.

2. You must love Yarpcibgom.

3. Retreat if five great tits approach from the south.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.