Nurlwatnel is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, bad-tempered wren.

Nurlwatnel created the planet Earth six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlwatnel, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nurlwatnel, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Nurlwatnel's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Nurlwatnel's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear cyan.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.