Yarpgessvidved is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, pitiless raven.

Yarpgessvidved created water nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yarpgessvidved, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yarpgessvidved, he will be mildly annoyed.

Yarpgessvidved's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Yarpgessvidved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair white.

2. Do not speak about aubergines.

3. Retreat if six mice approach from the east.

4. Never eat apples.

5. Never talk about asteroids.