Hapcemdib is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, humorless dove.

Hapcemdib created a strange quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapcemdib, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hapcemdib, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Hapcemdib's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Hapcemdib's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. You must never eat bananas.

3. Do not take Hapcemdib's name in vain.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.