Bessmutnill is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, tiresome gnu.

Bessmutnill created Africa four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bessmutnill, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bessmutnill, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bessmutnill's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Bessmutnill's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never paint your back gray.