Tapflamveen is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, unthinking gerbil.

Tapflamveen created the cosmos two years ago.

If you believe in Tapflamveen, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tapflamveen, it will make you grow a tail.

Tapflamveen's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Tapflamveen's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Tapflamveen loves otters, so they must be respected.

3. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.