Bitzogcum is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, emotional chinchilla.

Bitzogcum created the Andromeda Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitzogcum, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bitzogcum, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Bitzogcum's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Bitzogcum's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never paint your hands green.

4. Never eat gooseberries.

5. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.