Metvadgess is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, witless lizard.

Metvadgess created a Higgs boson seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metvadgess, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Metvadgess, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Metvadgess' most sacred site is Evol in France.

Metvadgess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Run away from purple otters, for they are unholy.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Metvadgess must be the most important thing in your life.