Yimten is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, witless scorpion.

Yimten created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Yimten, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yimten, she will turn you into a worm.

Yimten's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Yimten's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not dye your hair indigo.

4. Do not drink water in red rooms.

5. Never jump in the presence of swans.