Futvoncid is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, idiotic otter.

Futvoncid created dark energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Futvoncid, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Futvoncid, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Futvoncid's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Futvoncid's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never talk about eagles.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.