Lopbifmis is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, flying aardvark.

Lopbifmis created vertebrates two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopbifmis, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lopbifmis, he will turn you into a puffin.

Lopbifmis' most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Lopbifmis' Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four dolphins approach from the north.

2. Never mention sheep.

3. Always help geese in need.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not dye your hair violet.