Kinyokvab is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unfair mongoose.

Kinyokvab created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kinyokvab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kinyokvab, he will turn you into a sheep.

Kinyokvab's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Kinyokvab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always wear purple.

3. Never eat bark.

4. You must love Kinyokvab.

5. Do not speak about pineapples.