Bumtigyass is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, almighty walrus.

Bumtigyass created dark matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumtigyass, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Bumtigyass, she will ignore you.

Bumtigyass' most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Bumtigyass' Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of snails.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always wear pink.

5. Never wear jumpers.