Tarzimpang is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, vain crab.

Tarzimpang created the Black Eye Galaxy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarzimpang, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tarzimpang, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tarzimpang's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Tarzimpang's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair violet.

2. Geese are not to be trusted.

3. Do not hurt snails.

4. Fast once a month.

5. You must never eat bread.