Hatflabdan Candodcam is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, self-assured narwhal.

Hatflabdan Candodcam created a photon seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatflabdan Candodcam, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hatflabdan Candodcam, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Hatflabdan Candodcam's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Hatflabdan Candodcam's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Feed all hungry rats.

3. Never talk about nebulae.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always help whales in need.