Veensasjab is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, charitable lobster.

Veensasjab created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Veensasjab, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Veensasjab, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Veensasjab's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Veensasjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Retreat if seven otters approach from the west.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.