Faswanhig Gunappjab is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, uncaring cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Faswanhig Gunappjab created energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Faswanhig Gunappjab, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Faswanhig Gunappjab, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Faswanhig Gunappjab's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Faswanhig Gunappjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat bananas.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Faswanhig Gunappjab.

4. Always obey Faswanhig Gunappjab's priests.

5. Feed all hungry goats.