Pakpibcut is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, annoying lobster.

Pakpibcut created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakpibcut, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Pakpibcut, she will turn you into a puffin.

Pakpibcut's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Pakpibcut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt monkeys.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Pakpibcut loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

5. Do not cook food in pots.
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