Bemgepmad is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, two-faced guinea pig.

Bemgepmad created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bemgepmad, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bemgepmad, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Bemgepmad's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Bemgepmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear hats.

2. Never wear brown corsets.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never sing in the presence of gulls.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.