Pidjabhas is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, witless elephant.

Pidjabhas created the planet Mars four years ago.

If you believe in Pidjabhas, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Pidjabhas, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Pidjabhas' most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Pidjabhas' Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Run away if nine swans approach from the west.