Jonbennelltomfem is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, pitiless cat.

Jonbennelltomfem created the Virgo Supercluster two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonbennelltomfem, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Jonbennelltomfem, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Jonbennelltomfem's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Jonbennelltomfem's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never run in the presence of pigs.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.