Hapfetbess is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, proud faun.

Hapfetbess created bats five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapfetbess, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hapfetbess, it will turn you into a dog.

Hapfetbess' most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Hapfetbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head black.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Hapfetbess loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

5. Always look after injured whales.