Yattspagfit Komnilsomcarlibmobbog Sitrawtap is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, staggering aardvark.

Yattspagfit Komnilsomcarlibmobbog Sitrawtap created a quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Yattspagfit Komnilsomcarlibmobbog Sitrawtap, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yattspagfit Komnilsomcarlibmobbog Sitrawtap, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Yattspagfit Komnilsomcarlibmobbog Sitrawtap's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Yattspagfit Komnilsomcarlibmobbog Sitrawtap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not wear yellow clothing.

5. Never eat beans.