Kapfigcarlen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, two-faced swan.

Kapfigcarlen created light eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapfigcarlen, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kapfigcarlen, he will send you a sign.

Kapfigcarlen's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Kapfigcarlen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not dye your hair red.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not kill badgers.