Canpagweg is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, ill-tempered bat.

Canpagweg created dark matter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Canpagweg, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Canpagweg, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Canpagweg's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Canpagweg's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always help sick tortoises.