Futmanstig is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, irritating snake.

Futmanstig created tapeworms three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futmanstig, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Futmanstig, she will make you grow a tail.

Futmanstig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Futmanstig's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not hurt gulls.

3. Worship no other gods but Futmanstig.

4. Do not run in public.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.