Lamlabtonk is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty wyrm.

Lamlabtonk created a bottom quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamlabtonk, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lamlabtonk, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lamlabtonk's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Lamlabtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not speak about figs.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not take Lamlabtonk's name in vain.