Nurtvagrip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, astonishing manatee.

Nurtvagrip created the solar system four billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtvagrip, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nurtvagrip, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nurtvagrip's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Nurtvagrip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear tin on your body.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.