Tarpmapzed is a god.

It takes the form of a small, bad-tempered crocodile.

Tarpmapzed created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpmapzed, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarpmapzed, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tarpmapzed's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Tarpmapzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat limes.

2. Put Tarpmapzed first in all things.

3. Do not drink water in green rooms.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.