Lamhenvan is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, dishonourable crow.

Lamhenvan created the Cigar Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamhenvan, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lamhenvan, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lamhenvan's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Lamhenvan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Lamhenvan on top of all buildings.

5. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.