Jadruttjig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, thoughtless badger.

Jadruttjig created viruses three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jadruttjig, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jadruttjig, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Jadruttjig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jadruttjig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn shrews for they are unholy.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never wear hats.

4. Do not eat gooseberries.

5. Jadruttjig loves sheep, so they must be honoured.