Kemlakcet is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, happy bee.

Kemlakcet created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemlakcet, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Kemlakcet, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Kemlakcet's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Kemlakcet's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from yellow dogs for they are unholy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Kemlakcet.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

4. You must never eat garlic.

5. Never feed grapes to seals while wearing turquoise trousers.