Gofyarkan is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, deceitful dryad.

Gofyarkan created the planet Earth nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gofyarkan, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gofyarkan, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gofyarkan's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Gofyarkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Gofyarkan.

3. Feed all hungry frogs.

4. Do not take Gofyarkan's name in vain.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.