Gudpancem is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unselfish crow.

Gudpancem created oxygen four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gudpancem, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Gudpancem, he will turn you into a mouse.

Gudpancem's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Gudpancem's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always help sick dogs.