Wotzenquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, grumpy faun.

Wotzenquaf created the Large Magellanic Cloud three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wotzenquaf, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wotzenquaf, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Wotzenquaf's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Wotzenquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about whales.

2. Always help snails.

3. Eagles are not to be trusted.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never eat turnips.