Bapmiszen is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, humorless mongoose.

Bapmiszen created a bottom quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapmiszen, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bapmiszen, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Bapmiszen's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Bapmiszen's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never think ill of sick badgers.

4. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.