Jamvonkquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, flying dog.

Jamvonkquaf created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamvonkquaf, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jamvonkquaf, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Jamvonkquaf's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Jamvonkquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not take Jamvonkquaf's name in vain.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jamvonkquaf.